


What I See

by VergilsDemonslayergirlfriend



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: F/M, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:35:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26037271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VergilsDemonslayergirlfriend/pseuds/VergilsDemonslayergirlfriend
Summary: I see him dieing inside now...why won't he stop? Why won't he listen? He's my rock in this world, he has been ever since we left Insomnia. And I'll be damned if I let him fade into the background alone...And why am I coughing so hard and why does my chest hurt?
Relationships: Ignis Scientia/Reader
Kudos: 13





	What I See

I look at Ignis now after he was found on the Alter of Leviathan. How he sleeps so fitfully. I want to sooth him...but I have no idea how. He twists and turns in his sleep, whimpers escaping parted lips. His hands clenching and un-clenching.

I tried to help once and was almost stabbed in the chest by his daggers...

* * *

I had tried to wake him from the nightmare he was having, and I managed to...but it seemed the last dregs of it followed him into wakefulness and he thought that I was the cause of his nightmare come to life before him. His daggers were summoned in mere seconds and he threw me onto my back beside him on the bed. Straddling my hips he pinned me down with his weight making sure I was unable to escape him. One of his hands, despite having the dagger in it pinned my own above my head, the other raised his second dagger above us and aimed it straight for my heart. I had turned my head away and screamed Ignis's name, hoping and praying to the Six above that he would realize that I wasn't who he thought I was.

He froze above me, his chest heaving and sweat beading down the side of his face. My name slipped through his lips and I confirmed to him that it was indeed me. The daggers dropped from his hands and disappeared in a flash of blue crystals as they did so. Tears dripped slowly down his face, then began to fall even faster as he realized what he had been about to do to me. I pulled him down against my chest to quiet him, and pressed the side of his head against my chest.

His sobs ended up being so violent they shook his entire body. I soothed him by running my hands through his hair telling him everything would be alright, that everything was alright, and that in the end everything would turn out okay.

* * *

I don't know what to do now though.

"Tenshi?"

"Ignis?" I ask, looking back up.

I hadn't realized my gaze had drifted to the ground as I had been thinking.

"Will...will you come here, please?" Ignis's voice is so hesitant in his question, but I could never deny him anything he requests of me and I never will.

Standing up, I walk over to the side of the bed and sit on the edge of it.

"I'm here Iggy, what do you need?" I ask, reaching out to gently place my hand over one of his.

He flinches when my hand reaches his, but that's normal now. I should have remembered to tell him I was about to touch him.

"I need you." he starts off softly, "I need you to...I mean, if you will..."

He withdraws his hand from mine, and I have a feeling that somehow I've done something wrong. He's never pulled away from me since he lost his sight, it's always the opposite, he's always reaching for me. Ignis sits up, slowly lowering his feet to the ground so he's sitting next to me. He reaches out towards me with uncertainty, still trying to figure out how being blind works. I wait patiently for him.

He made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be babied, so we have to let him do things on his own. But at times it's so damn hard not to reach out to help him or hand him things. Finally his hand connects with my shoulder and his fingers bunch their way into the material of my shirt. He softly pulls on the material, indicating that he wants me to come closer to him. I scooch over closer to him so that my hip ends up pressing against his, something he and I always did even before this.

However, all we would do was sit together, we would never do more. Ignis's hand lets go of my shirt and he slides his arm around my back so his hand rests on my other hip. His head dips down so it is leaning against mine as he pulls me farther into him.

I hear a small whispered, _'Please?'_ from above me, and I smile softly.

Twisting in his hold, I slowly wind my arms up around his neck and pull myself into his lap. The hand that was on my hip now rests over my knees, while his other hand has come around to make sure I won't fall off his lap. Not that he would ever allow that happen. Turning his head, he presses his forehead to mine and we simply sit like this together. A couple times we've sat like this, and each time I've found that it brings the both of us comfort. I trail one of my hands down his jaw, then ever so lightly trace the outline of the scar over his left eye. He hisses in a breath, but does nothing else. Doesn't tell me to stop, and he doesn't pull away. So I continue to slowly trace it until I fully run my fingers over the actual scar. Ignis's right eye flutters quickly, and I hear another quick intake of breath. I yank my hand away thinking that this time, I actually hurt him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." I began.

Ignis caught my hand in his and brought it up to his lips, gently pressing a kiss to my fingers.

"Your touch is like fire, but I'd rather burn in your flames than the fire the Kings of Yore inflicted upon me." he whispered softly raising my hand back to the side of his face, "Your fire is sweet and gentle torture...theirs's was pure and utter agony."

A blush streaked its way across my cheeks as I slowly slid my hand back up Ignis's jaw.

"Is...is that what happened to you?" I whispered, leaning in and gently pressing a kiss just under Ignis's closed eye.

Another sharp inhale from him.

"Yes, in order to use the rings power, if the Kings deem you worthy...a sacrifice must be made..." he whispered.

"I thought the sacrifice was your life, Ignis?" my voice was angry, but also trembled with fear.

* * *

I had harbored a deep crush for Ignis for the longest time. As our journey to Altissia continued, I found my crush growing into unrequited love. It was a miracle that I didn't have the fabled Hanahaki Disease, and start coughing up cherry blossoms. I noticed so many things about him that just made my heart see him for the caring, selfless person that he truly was. He always hounded Noctis to eat properly.

Yet after a hard days fight, he would make the fussy prince his absolute favorite food with no protest to make him feel better. He would always remind the others not to spend too much Gil on frivolous things. But would go behind all of our backs and buy more curatives then necessary for Gladio cause he would always come out of battle a little more banged up than the rest of us. Because Prompto loved taking cool mid-battle photos, whenever he saw Prom with his camera out, he would always throw some more flare into his fighting style. And for me...for me, cause I loved a hot cup of tea in the morning, he started looking for fine tea's in Lestallum every time we visited, and would wake me up in the morning so he and I could drink our tea and coffee together and watch the sun rise together.

If I had lost him to the Kings of Yore...If he had sacrificed himself while using the Ring...I don't think I would have been able to forgive Noct. It wouldn't have been directly his fault, but Noct would have been the one Ignis had sacrificed himself for. And every time I would have looked at him, I know the anger at that fact would have welled up in my heart. I wouldn't have been able to continue on the journey with him, it would have been too much to bare. I would have ended up lashing out at Noctis. Whether had it been verbally or physically, neither would have been good. My words can sting horribly, but my powers...I would have injured him badly had I tried to attack him. But Ignis was still here before me.

* * *

"It was..." Ignis's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

 _"You fool!"_ I nearly shrieked at him, my hand falling to slap against his chest then bunch in the material.

Ignis flinched but stayed silent under the torrent of my anger.

 _"Do you realize what you would have done to me if-"_ my words quickly cut off as I realized what was about to come out of my mouth.

Ignis's head tilted as he pulled my hand free of his shirt.

"What would my actions have done to you?" he asked quietly.

My eyes watered and I turned my head away as I tried to hold back my tears. I wasn't ready to let him know that I was in love him. He was still bound to Noctis and he couldn't deviate from that. I had no chance with him while he still had to help Noctis. He would have no time for me.

All of his time would be taken up by Noctis. It already was in the first place. The few quiet moments that we got to spend together in the mornings were when he was making breakfast for everyone so even then, our time was not truly ours.

"Nothing...you wouldn't have done anything. Just forget it." I muttered, my voice wavering just the tiniest bit.

I tried to extract myself from his arms and off his lap, but he just held onto me tighter and wouldn't allow me to leave him.

"You know as well as I do that that's a bold faced lie. Even I don't need my sight to know that. What would my actions have done Tenshi?" his hand came around to cup my chin and turn me back to him.

By now, the tears I had been trying to hold back had started to slide down my face and slipped their way over his glove less fingers. Ignis gasped in a short breath as he felt the warm wetness gather in the space between my skin and his. Damn the fact that he wasn't wearing his gloves. The one flocking time...

"Tenshi..." his voice was gentle as he called my name.

 _"Alright fine, so I am lying!"_ I huffed a little more angrily than I wanted to.

Ignis stayed silent waiting for me to continue.

"I...I would have been more pissed off than a wet chocobo still caught out in the rain if you had gotten killed." I muttered. 

That brought a laugh out of Ignis which brought a smile to my face. 

"Well, look okay! Back in Insomnia before shit went down and everything got real, you were my rock and everything. You helped me get my lazy butt through training! I couldn't have done it without you. I mean you were my stability. Those nights that I woke up and had those all out panic attacks and you had to come running down to my house to chill me out.

Oh and that one time you actually had to break the door down cause I was too out of it to even come let you in, so we agreed on you having a key! Then when King Regis asked if you thought I would be good enough to come with you, that entire week, I had like a panic attack almost every other day. But then, you would come sit with me at the end of the day, after you made dinner for Noctis. You would bring some of the dinner you made for him, and we would sit and share that, and we would read on the couch while I was dressed in my night clothes. I would always end up falling asleep against you.

Then when I woke up in the morning, I would always be curled up in my bed under my covers. But the night before we left, remember I asked if I could stay at your place cause I was just so scared I didn't want to be alone. And I ended up falling asleep against you on your couch. But when I woke up then...I found myself snuggled against the side of your chest in your bed. And never in my life have I ever felt safer.

And there is...that's when I started to have a crush on you Ignis. I knew it wasn't good, that it wasn't right and that there was no room for it on the trip, so I've been trying not to dwell on it. But its been growing and growing, and I damn might as well have Hanahaki Disease now. I'm really surprised that I don't."

A hard cough ripped through my sentence and a purple cherry blossom petal flew from between my lips then fluttered to the floor. 

_"Oh hell fucking no! Me and my damn big mouth..."_ I muttered. 

"Tenshi? Tenshi, what's wrong?" Ignis asked, worried by my choice of words. 

I had my moments where I let my more vulgar side show and usually I was either disgusted, angry, scared, or surprised.

"Well I suppose Hanahaki Disease is real. I never believed it was..." I started hacking hard.

"Hanahaki Disease? Might I inquire what that is?" Ignis asked, his head tilted to the side trying to find where my face was. 

Finally my coughing stopped, only for me to throw up a fair amount of cherry blossom petals into our laps.

"Hanahaki Disease, means unrequited love from one person to another. A flower blooms in the persons chest and eventually it can kill the person if the other does not return the feelings. I understand if you don't. I can have the flower removed...it's just...i don't want to forget what I feel for you. I don't want to forget _about you._

But I can understand if you don't feel the same way." I replied, coughing again. 

Fuck, I didn't think I loved him enough to end up with Hanahaki. I just might be screwed...

Ignis picked up some of the cherry blossoms (how the hell were they purple?!?! I've never seen purple cherry blossoms before!!) and rubbed them between his fingers. 

"Why hadn't you told me any of this?" he questioned, voice soft.

A petal dropped into my hand before I looked up at him. 

"Wh-what do you mean?" I asked, my chest starting to heave.

"Do I not command your respect?" he asked. 

_'Oh fuck me, he's pulling rank...Astrals above...'_ I rolled my eyes, knowing he wouldn't see it, but replied to him nonetheless, "Yes, Sir."

"Do I not command your loyalty?" he continued. 

My jaw dropped. 

_'Fuckin' really? We're gonna go through the whole shebang here? Really?'_ my mind clicked over into auto pilot, "Yes, Sir."

"So, do I not command your honesty?" he finished. 

"Yes, Sir." I droned.

"Then why didn't you-" 

Violent coughs ripped through my body and this time, it wasn't petals that made their way out of my mouth. Brilliant crimson blood dripped its way down my hand and my chin.

 _"Holy Six, please."_ my voice was shattered, _"Don't do this Ignis!"_

I remembered everything said and that I read about Hanahaki Disease. If he didn't accept what I was saying, I was doomed. I couldn't bring myself to remove the flower, couldn't bring myself to get rid of my feelings, my memories of him. If he said he couldn't love me in return, that he didn't return my feelings, I might as well just go kill myself now. It would be an easier end than suffocating because of the flowers or choking to death on my own blood.

"Tenshi! _Listen to me!_ " his voice snapped harshly through my morbid thoughts, jolting me out of my despair, "Why hadn't you told me how you felt?"

"Be-because, I know you have to help Noctis complete his quest to..." couching consumed my words and I ended up hacking up more purple cherry blossom petals, "Damn it! I know he's the King of Light and he needs to be protected and guided until he reaches the time that he can banish the darkness from our world, and you are one of those that protect him. I don't want to distract you from that duty. I also know that due to that, you will have no time to devote to me, so I would always be second on your list.

Everything would revolve around Noct. He would always come first. His safety before mine. And I don't blame him for that. He is more important than I am, I know that, and I don't want to hold you back from your job... _Fuck!"_

A sharp hacking cough made me throw up harshly and this time not only petals came up, blood and a full cherry blossom flower itself came up. Shit, I needed to shut up I guess. Talking was getting me in trouble. I reached down and plucked the flower off of Ignis's lap. I had to admit, though it was morbid the flower was pretty.

The way the blood glinted off the purple petals in the morning sunlight. Shimmering just the right way enough to almost make it seem ethereal. 

"I know your loyalty to him would always come first and I don't want to get in the way of that Ignis, and that's why I've always stayed silent. I don't want you to have to choose and I won't make you." I continued after a moment.

"You never would have made me choose Tenshi. There never was a choice." he whispered.

My heart started to pound harder, he was going to say that he chose Noct. I was going to die, I just knew it.

"I've harbored a similar feeling since I met you back in Insomnia but I was never too confident about them. So I just pushed them aside, concentrated on my work. So I never knew, didn't even fathom that you felt as such. I suppose I just ignored what was right in front of me. I would say that was wrong of me, considering the pain you're going through now.

Forgive me if you will Tenshi, I do return your feelings. I do love-"

 _"Will you just shut the fuck up and kiss me!_ I know I have blood on my face, but if you want this to stop that's the first step to doing it." I hissed at him, snagging both sides of his face in my hands and pulling him into a quick kiss just to shut him up.

Surprise filled his features.

"Now, can we try that a second time, but properly?" I asked softly, one hand brushing the backs of my fingers over his cheek.

He nodded slowly and I guided him forward so his lips met mine again. This time our mouths slowly dances against one another, and I traced the seam of his lips with my tongue asking gently for entrance. For which I was granted with a gentle sigh. As our tongues danced together, despite the coppery taste of my blood, I noticed hints of the Ebony coffee that he always drank and sweet honey tainting the inside of his mouth.

A small moan left my throat, and I felt it returned as I started to pull away and I ended up catching the scar on Ignis's bottom lip between my teeth.

"Much better..." I whispered, pressing my forehead against his, our breaths a little heavy though my chest didn't hurt anymore, "Sorry about the blood, but you just helped so much right there."

"I'll do so much more, if you let me help you freshen up." there was promise in Ignis's voice as he whispered his words.

"How are you going to help me get...Oh!" my thoughts stopped momentarily as I realized what he meant.

I really couldn't believer I didn't catch that hint right away. Yeah, facepalm, big time.


End file.
